“Eish bafo, I went to see Lesego today and he is in very bad
shape – that dude is ill, seriously ill”! These are the words uttered by a
friend on a telecom. It’s been a while since I’d last seen him, or Lesego for
that matter. In fact, the time I had last seen my friend was at my sister’s
funeral in June. June 18 to be exact!
Lesego is a friend of a friend and we’d met on numerous
occasions before – mostly at social gatherings in the Eastern parts of Joburg and
I’ve also visited his place. My fond memory of him was when we went out for
drinks. Interestingly, both of them (Lesego and my friend) had never been to a
cocktail bar before and had no clue what cocktails were or what they tasted
like but they were most fascinated by the drink’s names. Lesego’s favourite was
“Sex On The Beach” and I suppose this was largely due to the “Sex” bit on the
drink’s name – “this says a lot about his character”, I remember thinking that
to myself!
My friend continues to say that Lesego’s family refused to
let him see Lesego a day or two ago, apparently because he was exhausted from
the doctor’s visit. “It’s hard to get through to him because he is not
answering his phone and does not respond on Whatsapp. I am off to a wedding
tomorrow but am planning to go see him on Sunday afternoon.” At this point, my
instinct was to get to the bottom of this – find out the cause of this “sudden”
deterioration of Lesego’s health. “Phela u-Lesego is now a shadow of his former
self, even I am fat compared to him….” This painted a very disturbing picture
in my mind – especially coming from a 33 year old dude with 28cm waist, who shops
for clothes in the teens departments and weights no more than 55kg?
“But what did he say is the problem? Are the doctors able to
detect it and give him some sort of medication and/treatment?”, these are the
only two “politically correct” questions that I could bring myself to ask. I mean
I couldn’t really ask if he was diagnosed with HIV or AIDS – although it was
most fitting that this be the question to ask based on the described symptoms
and considering the fact that perished in the same way… Besides, aren’t most
people dying from this disease these days – mostly the Y-generation? What’s so
taboo about it or me asking the question? Yeah yeah yeah, we all know there’s
the stigma, jumping to conclusions and being judgmental about HIV and AIDS and
you are reading this and thinking that I am no different - right?
Well, the response I got was even more puzzling. Lesego’s
state of health is due to a lung condition; something to do with lots of
liquid, I assume water, in them and it having to be drained out etc. but what
got to me as I listened to my friend was the pause and hesitation in his
response and it was apparent to me that we had the same chain of thoughts about
Lesego’s illness… Still judging me?
See, I’ve had this conversation in my relationships and with
friends, and the one thing I always re-iterate is that “AIDS is a reality and
it is always lingering around you at arms length – do not reach out to it!” Lesego
and my friend are “closeted” gays but very candid about who, or should I rather
say what they want; their catalogue included “well-endowed men” and “great sex”!
After a while of hanging out with them I never looked at male counterparts the
same – be it at gym, restaurant, malls etc., for some reason I started seeing
every guy around me through my friend’s eyes. I was suddenly tuned to the “gaydar”
frequency and noticing bulges, bums, tops, bottoms, freeballers, and guys in sweatpants
and so forth around me. Only difference was that they made their interest known
to these parties or potentials and if it was mutual they’d almost immediately
hit the sack – sometimes a once off dance, other times it would be a
no-strings-attached arrangement or it could develop into a relationship over time
and even so, both parties could never commit to the relationship because one or
both parties are constantly in search of something bigger, better and more
exciting. Sadly this is how most young men in the gay community end up with
this disease and it’s apparent that Lesego may have not been an exception – and
yes, this is pure speculation on my part. I do acknowledge that this disease is
not only for the gay community and that not all of them are thoughtless with
their sexual health and shenanigans.
To be continued…
By: SJ Ngobeni (810111)
*Based on fiction
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